/blog/ - blogposting

mtftm hrt repper, basically
is it based or just weird and sad? idk
i look years younger
the only price was my mental health and my relationship with my dad and my grades in school and my muscle mass and strength
and my fertility
still,.10/10 would recommend hrt to a friend
I'll do it if ffs doesn't work out
I already am
I wake up, and it's on with the jeans, the belt, a the button-up, and the boots. I wake up and remind myself it's my fault I'll live as an HRT manmoder for the rest of my life.
They tell me:
>get a fem cut
>gain some fat
>do your brows
>dress better
they're trying to pinkpill me when I'm already 2 years on HRT. it's so fucked up. faceapp doesn't consider me F in manmode. not even in girlmode. not just the nose, the hair is pretty intense too. my feet are as big as my dad's. my breasts are small for a woman but large for man boobs. I can never win. why even live? I can't be accepted as a man on HRT. I can't do things normal men can do, like go shirtless to the pool. I'll never swim again. I'll never truly live again. I can't be a normal woman. only older pedo F@GG075 want me, and only because I'm young. they don't even pay for my food. or take my anywhere nice. it's just fast food and sucking dick. I have no sexual value. I'll never be a real woman and I'll never be loved. I will die alone and my parents will put my deadname on my grave. but they'll also out me to anyone that bothers to attend just to humiliate me postumously. they totally would. and my friends wouldn't even be there. my former friends. I can see on venmo they're still going out to eat together. just without me. everyone's still having fun without me. my rejection is total. my isolation is complete. welcome to my innermost hate. there's no going back once I enter those gates.

I'm so fuckin retarded my first therapist thought I had autism. maybe I do. ugh. I hate myself so much it's unreal

I can't participate in public life. I am just a freak